While any relationship will have its ups and downs, abusive relationships take things to a whole new level. Comparing an abusive relationship to an emotional roller coaster does not give enough weight to the amount of suffering endured by the abused. Only those who have been abused can describe such an experience.
Abusive relationships can be with your parents, your siblings, your children, your coworkers, your friends, and your significant others. No matter who the abuser is, being on the receiving end of an emotionally or mentally abusive person is never fun.
While some people are fortunate enough to not know abuse in their lives, many of us are all too familiar. For reasons of love or fear, we often stay and endure abuse longer than we would like. These are our tips for overcoming an abusive relationship, to help those who can’t always help themselves.
Identify Abusive Behavior
One of the first things in overcoming an abusive relationship is knowing what abusive behavior looks like. Perhaps you have experienced it firsthand but weren’t aware. Or maybe you have even been the abuser in certain situations. Whatever the case may be, these are 16 Things Abusive People Do:
- Invalidates Emotions
- Owns Your Accomplishments
- Victimizes Themselves
- Doesn’t Take Responsibility for Their Actions
- Ridicules You When You are Vulnerable
- Shifts Blame from Them to You
- Uses Guilt as Blackmail
- Gives The Silent Treatment
- Has no Respect for Boundaries
- Tries to Control You
- Says Things to Frighten or Upset You
- Makes “jokes” at Your Expense
- Swears at You or Calls You Names
- Overreacts and Creates a Scene
- Physically Harms You
- Tries to Make You Jealous
Recognize the Signs in Yourself
People who have experienced prolonged abuse in their relationships will often form certain habits. Some of these habits, however, form when the abused start seeing themselves through the eyes of their abuser. If you find yourself doing a combination of any of these things, these are Signs That You Are in an Abusive Relationship.
- Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
- Engaging in Negative Self Talk
- Lacking Trust in Relationships
- Having Low Self Esteem and Confidence
- Unconsciously Self Sabotaging
- Turning to Food, Substances, or Material Things for Comfort
- Disaccoiating with Your Feelings
- Carrying Resentment
- Having a Hard Time Being Honest
Things You Can Do to Break the Cycle
Now, at this point, you’re probably pretty sure you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship. It is time for you to stand up for yourself and others. Be someone who does not tolerate abuse, and put an end to toxic cycles. Here are 9 Things You Can Do to Cope with Abusive Relationships.
9. Don’t Make Excuses for the Abuser
When we care for someone, or we believe they care for us, it’s hard for us to believe that they would hurt us. Sometimes we say things like “oh, well they’re having a bad day,” or “they didn’t have the best childhood.”
Stop making excuses for the abuser in your life. No matter what anyone has gone through, everyone has the choice to be kind, ALWAYS.
8. Realize That There are Good People
When we have gone through abuse, sometimes our view of the world can become a bit skewed. Sometimes we think everyone is out to get us because that’s what our abusers tell us.
There are ALWAYS good people in the world who will treat you with love and kindness. Don’t close off your heart, for a fear of being hurt.
7. Don’t Enable the Abuser
The best thing you can do to stop an abuser in their tracks is to not react. Do not feed into their negativity. Do not allow them to play the victim, and stop doing them “favors.”
6. Establish and Keep Boundaries
Speak your truth. Voice your needs, and define consequences for broken boundaries. Stay true to your word, otherwise, your abuser will continue to run you over, like they always have.
Do so from a place of love, and kindness. Hate has no place in fixing broken relationships.
5. Create a Safe Space
This could be a room in your home or a private journal where you voice your emotions. The safest place you could create is already within you.
You can find peace and security within yourself by practicing meditation.
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4. Learn When to Walk Away
In life, you have 3 choices. You can choose to accept your life as it is. If you can’t accept it, then you can try to change it. If you don’t have the power or will to change what you cannot accept, the only thing you can do is leave.
3. Acknowledge Your Accomplishments
After having been abused for so long, we sometimes mistake the inner critic in our head for our own voice. In reality, it is the voice of your abuser who has made you so self-critical.
Remember the great things that you have done in your life, and celebrate your achievements. This is how you will start to change your self-image and see yourself as the wonderful person that you are.
2. Positive Self-Talk
Don’t dwell on negative things you have been told about yourself. Focus on your positive traits and affirm to yourself the person you want to be and the life you want to have.
Here are 15 Positive Self Affirmations.
1. Strengthen Your Sense of Self
Probably the best thing you can do to cope with an abusive person in your life is to strengthen your sense of self. Spend some time self-reflecting and finding out who you are or who want to be. Realize the potential you have and imagine the life you want to live. Ask yourself what you stand for, and determine what you value in yourself and others.
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In an emergency situation and when you need help immediately, please call 911. When you feel you are in danger of domestic violence, please reach out to your local law enforcement.
If you have suffered from domestic violence and need to talk, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-7233 or TTY 1(800) 787-3224. If you are unable to speak safely and would still like support, you can log on to thehotline.org , or text LOVIES to 1(866) 331-9474. You are not alone.
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